


Half Life VR but the AI is in Half Life 2

by orphan_account



Category: Half Life VR But The AI Is Self Aware, Half-Life
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Gen, HLVRAI
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-06-02
Updated: 2020-06-08
Packaged: 2021-03-03 22:34:56
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 5,280
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24513181
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: Gordon has just woken up after the events of the Resonance Cascade. Turns out, surviving that and meeting the G-Man weren't the most bizarre events in his life.
Relationships: Barney Calhoun & Alyx Vance, Barney Calhoun & Bubby, Barney Calhoun & Gordon Freeman, Bubby & Gordon Freeman, Gordon Freeman & Alyx Vance, Tommy Coolatta & Bubby, Tommy Coolatta & Gordon Freeman
Comments: 2
Kudos: 27





	1. Rise and Shine

Gordon couldn't remember how he ended up on a train, but he was on a train all of the sudden. He was also really, really thirsty for some odd… The voice of the G-Man, telling him to wake up and sniff ashes or some shit, was still fresh in his mind too. What did he even say exactly…?

Gordon couldn't remember how he ended up on a train, but he was on a train all of the sudden. He was also really, really thirsty… The voice of the G-Man, telling him to wake up and sniff ashes or some shit, was still fresh in his mind too. What did he say exactly…?

"H-Hullo? Mr. Freeman?" That voice snapped him out of his thoughts. Whoever it was certainly used some of the same word choice as the G-Man but… No it definitely wasn't him.

A very tall young man loomed over him, with a red and yellow propeller hat donning his head.

"O-Oh, you woke up! My-My name is Tommy!"

"Uhh, hellooo Tommy… Any idea of how I got here?"

"Oh, you were teleported out of your stasis!" He had a huge smile on his face. "We-We need you to do our d-dirty work, i-isn't that exciting?!"

"Uh, sure… Why am I so goddamn thirsty?!" Gordon was confused. If he was put in stasis, he shouldn't have to drink water!

Tommy glanced to the side nervously, fiddling with his bowtie. "O-Oh, we dehydrate you first and then put you in a glass case."

"...What." Was he hearing this right?

"We-We dehydrate you, and so when we rehydrate you, you-you only have enough water to not look like a raisin."

"...I-I'd be shocked, but after the shit I've seen I'm really not… Where's this train heading, anyway?"

Just as Gordon said that, the train slowed to a stop at a station he hardly recognized… Everyone wore the same blue uniform, and guards in white uniform controlled the flow of traffic, sometimes dragging people off behind closed doors. A man on a large screen spoke, welcoming the people to the city - City 17, apparently - for all to see. Tommy perked up happily.

"O-Oh, this must be our stop! Come on, Mr. Freeman!" Tommy grabbed his hand and pulled him outside the train.

Gordon wished he had those blue uniforms, if only to not look so out of place in his HEV suit.

"W-We'll have to go through those fences… I don't think the-the Combine will stop us though."

"Combine?" Gordon squinted from behind his glasses.

"Oh, Mr. Freeman… Th-Things have-have really… changed since the Resonance Cascade… for better or-or worse."

As they made their way to the gate, Gordon's heart leapt happily as he found a vending machine, cracking open a can of water and chugging it, then soon regretting it when he was told by a man that there were chemicals in the water.

"M-Maybe they turn you into a frog, Mr. Freeman!" Tommy suggested cheerfully.

Then they got to the gate, standing single file. The Combine didn't even seem to notice Tommy, who stuck by Gordon's side and refused to join the line. As he walked to the middle to be pointed in a direction, the door flew open, and a burly Combine got in their faces.

"You two. Follow me. Now." He gruffed in an oddly human voice, motioning behind him with his thumb to a long hallway of rooms.

Tommy looked nervous, glancing at Gordon. "O-Oh no, no… Just-Just go along with it, Mr. Freeman…" He whispered.

They were led to a room, the Combine soldier conversing with another before slamming the door and sliding the window shut.

"I gotta get me some privacy for this!" That voice…! The Combine turned the cameras off and remove his helmet…

"Barney! You scared me half to death!!" Gordon shouted as he ran towards him and tackled him.

"Well, if it isn't the Freeman I always knew! Where've you been, buddy? Shit's gone down!" Barney laughed, patting his back before pulling away.

"W-We dehydrated him and stored him in a glass box!" Tommy smiled brightly, Barney's smile fading quickly as he stared for a bit before looking at Gordon.

"Who, uhh… Who's your friend here?"

"Tommy. Believe me, I'm confused too… I passed out and then woke up on a train, Barney, I don't know where I've been!!"

"Sounds like them Combine might have put chemicals in your water! You may turn into a frog, Gordon." Barney laughed, slapping his shoulder before pressing some keys on the console in front of him

"THAT'S WHAT TOMMY SAID!! am I really going to turn into a frog…?" Gordon was having an existential crisis by now. The thought of being tiny and slimy and having to eat flies… gross!

"Shut up, Dr. Bubby's coming online."

"B...Bubby?! Who is Dr. Bubby?!"

"One of the Black Mesa scientists, Gordon! Used to work in the Electronics Department...Dead smart, a bit eccentric."

Who he assumed to be Dr. Bubby suddenly appeared on the screen.

"What the hell is it this time, Barney? I'm busy trying to update Wikipedia." He was definitely a crabby old man, just like how he looked.

"Well stop doing that and look who we got here!" Barney swung an arm out towards Gordon like some sort of announcer. Bubby gasped in shock.

"You're Gordon? You look like a fucking mess! Also, who is that man?"

"His name is Tommy, and he dehydrated poor Gordon!" Barney sighed.

"You didn't even wrap him up like a mummy?" Bubby scowled. "Next time you dehydrate a human being, wrap them up in bandages soaked with chemicals that will turn them into a frog!"

"A-Aye-aye!" Tommy saluted at Bubby, who nodded in approval. "I like Tommy already!"

"Why do we have chemicals that turn people into frogs?!" Gordon put his face into his hands. And he thought the Resonance Cascade was bizarre...

"The Combine were attempting to make super frog men to repopulate the swamps, Gordon. To do this, they developed a chemical-"

"That turns you into a frog, I get it… Why repopulate the swamps though? Do we even still have swamps?"

"The Combine were also attempting to turn Antarctica into a giant swamp to reform the swamps of America and repopulate them with super frog men, who they made with chemicals that turn you into frogs." Barney cheerfully stated, his hands on his hips.

"Wh-When was Antarctica part of the United States of America?!"

"Oh, Gordon, things have really changed since the Resonance Cascade, for better or worse."

There was loud banging on the door, everyone looking at the door simultaneously as Barney quickly clicked the camera off.

"Shit… You two, out that door now!" He shoved them towards the door. Tommy lightly protesting.

"Woahwoahwoah woah! What about you?!" Gordon grabbed him by the shoulders.

"Don't worry about me… I'll be fine."

Gordon stared into his eyes for a bit before reluctantly going out the door with Tommy, the two picking their way around the area before ending up in the building, past the gate. As they walked towards the exit, a Combine looked at them and knocked a can off a nearby trash can.

"You. Pick up that can."

"Uhhh, okay…" Gordon looked at him as he bent over and picked it up, slowly standing up. The Combine huffed in satisfaction.

"Now put it in the trash can."

Gordon nodded and dropped it in, yelping upon feeling the Combine's baton whack him in the eye and falling over. He scrambled to his feet as Tommy grabbed his hand and they bolted, tripping over rope dividers and other citizens in their haste to flee and barging through the doors.

By the time they stopped running, they had no idea where they were in City 17.


	2. Welcome to Home

Wherever they were, the Combine clearly had an issue with the area. Gordon glanced at a group nervously, looking away quickly when one of the Combine pulled out his baton and hurrying off with Tommy.

"Where the hell are we, Tommy?"

"I-I don't know, Mr. Freeman... I-I guess we-we should just keep moving along."

"I hope that does something..."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

As they entered one of the buildings, Tommy grabbed Gordon and pulled him into one of the rooms. Peeking out, Gordon could spot some Combine barging in. Making their way around them, Gordon could feel a sense of dread hang over the place, like the could get attacked at any moment...

That got confirmed pretty quickly.

It started with a civilian motioning them into a room and telling them to run, then they were being chased up the stairs, then they were ushered into another room and pushed through a window.

"Holy shit! Tommy, we're on the fucking roof!" Gordon stared wide-eyed at the buildings below, momentarily glancing nervously at a tall creature with three, segmented legs.

"I know! Isn't it cool?" Tommy's smile faded pretty fast when a bullet flew by him. "...I-I take back what I said completely! Not cool!!"

Gordon groaned and ducked behind some of the roofing. "Do they EVER let up?! Why am I enemy #1?!"

"Y-You kind of are..."

"...What?"

"R-remember Dr. Breen...?"

"...Kind of." Gordon glanced down. He had... mixed feelings about Dr. Breen.

"...W-Weeeell, he may or may not be the Combine's puppet right now and negotiated this whole enslavement mess."

"...I expected nothing less from him, okay. Now can we get off this goddamn roof?!"

"O-Oh, right!" Tommy lightly brushed the bullet holes on his clothes, grabbing Gordon's hand and bolting. Gordon winced as a bullet stung his shoulder before they ducked into another window and raced down a flight of stairs.

Then the Combine burst through the doors, and Gordon was knocked out among the shouts of Tommy telling them to leave him alone and... was that a lady kicking their asses mixed in there?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Gordon shouted as he felt a hand slap his cheek.

"Gordon, wake up! You fucked up big time!"

"Who the fuck?!"

"The Combine want your ass, Gordon," A lady with a brown jacket put her hands on her hips, smiling, "Bubby said that, at least. He didn't even give you directions?"

"...Yeah," Gordon squinted, "Not that I can remember... Do I have a concussion?"

"Yeah but don't worry, concussions aren't bad. I've had 24 in my life, one for each year! Anyway, your friend is hiding in a crate."

"No I'm not!" Tommy cried from a crate. Alyx opened it and promptly yanked him out, dragging him to Gordon by the collar of his shirt.

"Welp, time to go to Home!"

"Home?" Gordon followed her to an elevator, watching as she pressed some buttons.

"It's what we named the lab. Home."

"That's a weird name for a lab..."

"Shut up."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The lady pointed to the large mural of Dr. Breen. "This is a mural of an asshole."

"I can tell," Gordon crossed his arms, watching as she pressed the large and obvious button, "What's your name?"

"Alyx Vance. My father worked with you black in Back Mesa." The mural opened to show a large opening. Not a very well hidden entrance...

"You're Eli's little girl?"

"I'm only 5'2"," Alyx shrugged as, instead of using the very convenient set of stairs, she hopped over the railings instead. She kicked a door open and pointed to a vending machine. "Want a soda?"

Tommy was suddenly in her face, his eyes sparkling. "YES! Pleaaaaase?"

Alyx looked him dead in the eyes and pressed some buttons before another door opened. "We no longer have soda in City 17."

Tommy looked crushed.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Walking into the lab, Bubby was looking around among some crates.

"What's up, Doc?" Alyx walked over, raising an eyebrow, "That frog get loose again?"

"Yes. Barney probably cooked it before I could." Bubby huffed, crossing his arms. He looked at Gordon, his expression not even changing.

"Where the hell did you get a HEV suit?"

Gordon blanked out before quickly rushing an answer.

"Stole it." Shit. Surprisingly, Bubby smiled.

"Fuck yeah, give it to the higher ups!" Bubby walked over to a computer and motioned to it.

"We're working on a device to teleport a human from a place to a place, directly ripping off Aperture Science's Portal Gun Technology."

"Wouldn't we get sued?"

"Cave Johnson is dead."

"Oh."

Barney walked in, sighing. "Oh good, you guys are here... Did you get me anything?"

"...No." Tommy smiled.

"...Damn it."

"Barney, could you be a dear and get me a soda? We need it to fuel the teleporter." Bubby popped open a hydro flask, peering in it.

"I have a shift to get back too but sure thing, Doc."

A few seconds after Barney turned on the lights, he shouted as a headcrab leapt onto his face. Bubby snickered.

"Well, there it is..."

"Bubby, did you put the frog there on purpose?" Alyx sighed.

"Oh, absolutely."

"Fuck you too, Bubby!"

"Watch your fucking language!"

“...Dr. Bubby, that-that isn’t a frog… That’s a headcrab.” Gordon stared at him incredulously.

“...Gordon, that is very clearly a frog.” Bubby huffed, cursing when the frog escaped into one of the vents.

Gordon groaned and flopped back onto a crate. This would be a loooong first day of supposedly being fully hydrated...

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

By the time they finished fooling around, Bubby motioned to a capsule.

"No offense Gordon but your HEV suit is inferior to my brand new HEV-1million suit, and it probably smells as bad as you."

Gordon stared at him, doing mathematical flips in his head for a second or two. "...Shut the fuck up!" He yelped as Barney slapped him on the back.

"You really do smell. Too bad we don't have a usable shower..."

"Is it broken?!"

"No, we're modifying it so that instead of water, it sprays chemicals that turn you into a frog."

"...I'm never showering at Home again." Gordon sighed, rubbing his temples before shutting the door and putting on the suit.

When he walked out, Alyx looked him up and down.

"...You look like a Star Trek fan."

"St-Star Wars is better!" Tommy puffed his cheeks out, staring down at her.

"You take that back, you giant walking twig!" Alyx punched his arm.

"Shut up you two! Now, Gordon, Alyx, Tommy, we're going to teleport you three to Hell, where Eli lives." Bubby rattled off, straightening a picture on the wall to reveal a hidden eye scanner.

"...WHEN DID ELI LIVE IN HELL?!" Gordon shouted as he walked through the door.

"Shut up. Alyx. you get in the teleporter."

Alyx stepped in, Barney pressing some buttons before a familiar face appeared on the screen.

"Gordon, holy shit!" Eli laughed. "You haven't aged a day!"

"I don't age anymore, at least I don't THINK I do." Gordon blinked.

"I bet you do. Also, you look like shit."

"...Do I really look like shit?"

"Hell yeah you do!" Alyx shouted from the teleporter platform.

"Oh, she's definitely my kid!" Eli laughed. "Bubby, hurry up and teleport my child, I want to hug her!"

"Be patient with me! Gordon, put that plug in and so we don't fuck it up like we did with everything else we tried to teleport straight to Hell!"

Gordon sighed and pushed the plug in. Bubby grinned.

"Pull the lever, Gordon!"

Gordon pulled the lever. Energy particles surrounded Alyx before she vanished. A few seconds later, she appeared on the screen.

"Hi guys! I'm in Hell!"

"Okay, this is taking too long for my liking. Both of you, get in there!"

Tommy and Gordon glanced at each other before shrugging and standing on the platform. Bubby pressed a few buttons as Barney pulled the switch this time. All of the sudden, the frog, who had seemingly gained the courage to come out of the vents. jumped onto some of the wires, ripping them out.

"OH FOR FUCK'S SAKE!" Barney shouted as electrical sparks filled the teleporter. Gordon felt like his body was getting torn apart, and soon they were teleported to some field before appearing back in the teleporter room. Bubby was running around the room, screaming at the top of his lungs. They were in Hell, then some office where Dr. Breen looked shocked, then, before he knew it, after being sent to a few other locations...

Gordon was outside the lab with Tommy and Bubby.

Barney looked out the window, flabbergasted. "WHAT THE FUCK?!"

"...Well, that went fine." Bubby shrugged, pulling out a revolver. "Guess we'll have to go the long way."

Barney sighed. "I'll get back to my shift. Oh, almost forgot!"

Gordon shouted in pain as something long and hard hit his head. He rubbed his aching forehead, grumbling.

"There's your crowbar that you used to beat the ever-loving shit out of an alien overlord! Good luck!"

Gordon stared for a bit longer before looking at Bubby and Tommy, sighing. "Great, I'm stuck with you two..."

"D-Do you know how to get there, Mr. Bubby?" Tommy asked, fiddling with his bowtie nervously.

"...Absolutely not." The old scientist shrugged.

"Oh for the LOVE OF FUCK."


	3. Bog Butter

"So, you work for a mega-corporation?"

"Y-Yeah! I just got employed!"

Gordon sighed as he pried off the last plank of wood, walking through the metal gate and glancing back at Tommy and Bubby. "Your employers are dicks, Tommy."

"Are they? It-It doesn't seem like it..."

"Dude, they yanked me through space and time and forcefully employed me to do their dirty work!"

"I-I don't see how that's an issue......" The young man mumbled, putting his hands in his pockets.

Gordon squinted as a small robot flew up to them, shouting and covering his eyes as it's eye flashed brightly and it emitted camera clicks. Bubby quickly shot it.

"Well, shit, our identities have been stolen."

"WHAT?!"

"Our identities have been stolen, Gordon. The Combine know our credit card numbers now." He clicked his tongue and popped a fresh bullet into the barrel of his revolver. "Jokes on them though, we no longer have credit cards in City 17."

"What do we have instead of credit cards?"

"Sponsorships for Raid: Shadow Legends... These are truly dark times, Gordon." Bubby sighed and shook his head.

"Aww, I hate Raid: Shadow Legends..." Tommy sighed, pulling a small cellphone out from under his suit jacket and flicking it open. "...I have 37 missed calls from my dad."

"You can call him later, buddy." Gordon hopped through a hole torn into the mesh of a bridge, shouting as bullets flew past him amongst the radio-esque voices of Combine and leaping into an open train cart.

"Gordon, look out!"

"A LITTLE LATE FOR THAT, BUBBY." He snapped as he pulled him into the train cart. He threw open the door and stared in horror at the train tracks. "Bubby, you need to tell me, are trains still active around here?"

That was answered not by Bubby, but by the horn of an incoming train.

"MOVE, MOVE!" Gordon shouted as he dragged them onto the next cart, Bubby shouting his protests and hitting him with the butt of his revolver.

"Respect your elders, you piece of shit!"

"Dude, I saved your life!"

"Can you two shut up?! There are more Combine!" Tommy was right, Gordon could hear them come closer.

"Would you guys call me insane if I suggested climbing up the train carts?"

"...That's actually not too bad of an idea." Bubby shrugged, scaling the ladder quickly for someone his age and Tommy following close behind. Gordon quickly clambered after them and follow them across the tops of the train carts. Hopping down, Gordon knocked of wooden planks from the nearest entrance and ran through.

"Luckily for you, Mr. Freeman, the Combine can be shot!" Tommy cheerfully stated, brushing some gunpowder off his white suit.

"...Tommy, how are you not full of bullet holes while me and Bubby got hit once or twice before hiding in a train cart?"

"Oh, th-that's not important, Mr. Freeman!" He laughed, rubbing the back of his head. "Now, let's get going!"

Going down some stairs, Bubby sighed in relief upon seeing a med-station and pulled the hatch down, setting his hand in place and letting the needles prick him. God knows what chemicals were used in that station.

"You should heal up, Gordon. It might help you look less like shit."

Gordon sighed and hesitantly set his hand down, wincing as his hand was pierced.

"Ow!"

"Oh quiet down, it's not that bad." Bubby shrugged, boredly spinning the chamber of his gun. "You could always play Russian Roulette with me if you hate it so much."

"...I-I'm good, thanks..." Gordon stared at the old scientist and his gun with wide eyes.

"Suit yourself."

"Tommy, do you have a weapon you can use?"

"O-Oh, yes actually!" Tommy reached under his suit jacket and pulled out a small pistol, covered in stickers.

"Good, because I don't see any weapons around here."

"Oh, don't worry, Mr. Freeman! I-I won't get hurt!"

"...I can tell." Gordon stared at the holes in his jacket, wiping sweat off his temple.

The three continued onwards.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

After witnessing more of the Combine's brutality, Gordon managed to get ahold of a small Combine pistol, using it to kill more Combine with Bubby and Tommy. They eventually made their way to the rooftops, Gordon watching a helicopter buzz by.

"Gordon, explosives!" Bubby cried happily, pulling a barrel with a large fire symbol up.

"That seems kind of dangerous, to have explosive barrels just sitting there."

"We can use these to kill the Combine, Gordon! We can set fire to their goddamn bodies and then dance on their corpses! ...At least, you can use them." Bubby shrugged and rolled one over to him.

"You can't?"

"I can just set them on fire by myself, no barrels required."

"...That's a terrifying thought."

"I-If we wait for that train, we can hop on it and get to the other side!" Tommy pointed to it, his voice almost getting drowned out by it's loud whistles.

"Brilliant idea, Tommy! Why couldn't you think of that?"

"Oh shut up, I didn't even see it!" Gordon huffed, bracing himself to jump.

Soon, the train whooshed by, and before Gordon knew it, he was safely on the other side with Tommy and Bubby.

Upon going through the gate, Gordon flinched as a bullet flew past him, angrily turning around.

Without warning, he shot the barrels by the Combine.

They didn't even see it coming. He snorted with satisfaction upon seeing them dead.

"That was... almost too easy."

"And satisfying." Bubby added as he shot another of those camera robots down.

"So, do you know where we are?"

"Hmm... There are canals nearby we could go through to get to Hell. They smell awful, though."

"Yet you can handle my HEV suit smelling like shit?"

"Gordon, there is a difference between smelling like shit and smelling like 1,000 years of rotting shit being eaten by maggots." Bubby tutted, tapping his arm with the barrel of his gun. "And, quite frankly, you smell like a former."

"Aaand that is the nicest thing you've said to me!" Gordon threw his hands up in the air. "Let's just get moving, please."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Gordon sighed as he shot a barrel a Combine was about to roll down. "Sorry, but you can't do that."

"I-If you get killed, I'll be in huge trouble." Tommy mentioned sheepishly.

"Why, because I'm your first client?"

"Yeah, i-it's a sign of-of irresponsibility."

"What about other, more experienced employees, Tommy?" Bubby asked.

"Oh, in-in that case, it's fine because i-it's usually accidents."

"...Charming." Bubby squinted, letting one of the med-machines work on him. Gordon glanced at the window as some foolish Combine were run over by a train.

"...Why do the Combine have red blood like us?"

"Most of those are humans, Gordon, the scums and cowards of the Earth who joined their ranks for their own selfish deeds." Bubby snorted. "They didn't expect to become expendable soldiers, of course..."

Gordon froze as he opened the door and stared at the tracks below him. "Guys, I think we're going to have to hide in a corner quite a bit...

Bubby sighed. "Oh boy..."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Well that sure was fun, huh Gordon? Leading us RIGHT ONTO TRAIN TRACKS."

"Don't blame me, Bubby! It's not my fault it was the only way we could go!"

"Shut up, I'm always right!"

"H-He has a point, Mr. Freeman..." Tommy pointed at Bubby, who turned his nose up at him and crossed his arms.

"See? Even Tommy agrees with me."

"Oh shut up..." Gordon grimaced, staring at the water below him. "...You two can swim, right?"

"Gordon, I absolutely can NOT swim."

"Fine. Hold onto my back, Bubby." Gordon picked up Bubby and dove into the water, clinging onto a crate. Tommy followed soon after and swam after him, pushing some of the old boats and crates out of Gordon's way.

"Swim faster, you little shit! It STINKS!"

"Shut up, Bubby," Gordon glared at him, "or I will LET you DROWN."

Bubby glared right back and almost opened his mouth to speak, but closed it and looked away.

"That's what I thought..."

Crawling onto some land, Gordon dropped him off his back and made his away up the ladder with his two companions, dropping straight into a trailer. A man helpfully gave them directions and advice, while a vortegaunt said nonsense or something, the details were a bit fuzzy.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Bubby was right. The canals STINKED.

Gordon flinched when a barnacle crapped a crow and pulled it into it's gaping maw, quickly hurrying past with Bubby and Tommy.

"Gordon, you'll want to know that the canals are completely infested with barnacles."

"Do they like water?"

"Oh no, they like humans."

Gordon grimaced, even more so as he walked through putrid sludge and flinching when he saw some civilians get gunned down.

"Shit... they know we're here! Gordon, we need to keep moving!" Bubby grabbed his hand, pulling him along.

"What about the others?" Gordon looked back.

"They can handle themselves! Tommy, you too."

Tommy looked down and nodded, glancing back at the body of one unlucky soul.

"Some people just can't be saved."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"I think we should stop here and rest..." Gordon sighed, sliding against the sewer wall.

"Good, my feet are killing me." Bubby sat across from him, Tommy politely sitting cross-legged in the available space he had.

"So, you used to work at Black Mesa's electronic department, huh?"

"Not just work there, Gordon, I was formed in a tube there!"

"...Pardon?"

"I was born in a test tube." Bubby proudly stated, crossing his arms.

"Black Mesa does test tube babies?"

"Black Mesa does a lot of things, including test tube babies."

Gordon sighed, glancing at Tommy.

"What about you, Tommy?"

"Hmm... I-I do have a degree in Nuclear Engineering and Genetic Engineering!" He cheerfully hummed, clasping his hands. "I used it to make the perfect dog!"

"What's his name?"

"Sunkist! He... might look a bit weird..."

"Well, it's genetics, you can't help it."

Gordon perked up when he heard the radio transmit a voice. "Station 12, come in!"

Bubby stared for a moment before walking over.

"Bubby-"

"Station 12 does not want to come in, thank you very much, please hold." Bubby proceeded to shoot the radio. "Fuck telemarketers."

"Bubby, that was NOT a telemarketer!" Gordon cried.

"You're right. We no longer have telemarketers in City 17. However, the Combine are trying to bring them back in order to sell people sponsorships for Raid: Shadow Legends."

"Are the Combine Twitch streamers?"

"I'm afraid so, Gordon." Bubby sighed solemnly.

"Oh, I hate Raid: Shadow Legends more than I hate Star Wars!" Tommy whined.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Gordon, look! A fucking turret gun!"

"Holy shit, really? Can we like... bring it with us?" Gordon scratched the back of his head. "It would make things a lot easier."

"Now, Gordon, you know that'll make things boring!" Bubby slapped his arm.

"...Bubby, staying alive takes priority over making things interesting."

"I-It really doesn't, Mr. Freeman." Tommy shot a Combine in the skull, not even bothering to look at it.

More Combine flooded in, and Bubby was quick to mow them down with the gun, laughing the entire time.

"Well, that was... oddly disappointing." Gordon blinked.

"See? I was right, Gordon! Always trust Dr. Bubby when he says shit will be boring!"

Gordon groaned in annoyance and walked ahead of them as Bubby snickered, Tommy running after him with a quick "Mr. Freeman, wait up!"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"This place looks like a crypt." Gordon glanced around nervously at all the archways in the sewers.

"This is where we put dead bodies, Gordon."

"Why in the sewers?"

"The bog water preserves them. We also store our world famous bog butter here."

"...What does bog butter taste like?"

"Broken dreams, Gordon, broken dreams."

"I-I like to put the bog butter on my pancakes!" Tommy cheerfully piped.

"You like the taste of broken dreams, huh?" Gordon sighed quietly.

"It sustains me, Mr. Freeman!"

"...That is terrifying."

There was suddenly small whirring sounds and the scrapes of metal against the stone walls.

"Gordon, look out! Flying saucers!"

"HOLY SHIT-" Gordon ducked as a manhack flew past him, Tommy quickly shooting it.

"Better kill them now, Gordon. They want to see your leader!"

"Are they aliens too?!" Gordon shouted as he brought one of the "flying saucers".

"...No, but they do try." Bubby shrugged.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Good news, Gordon! We're on the set of The Walking Dead!" Bubby cheerfully cried, quickly shooting the nearby radio to stop any telemarketers.

"Holy shit, really?" Gordon looked around at the barricades.

"Yes. Oh look, they're frogging us."

"...What?" Gordon screamed as a large capsule slammed into the ground, smacking a frog out of the air instinctively.

"M-Mr. Freeman, all of the actors were really frog men..." Tommy pointed in the direction of the cries of zombies, Gordon wincing in disgust as one shambled over.

"Oh shit! That must hurt..."

"I hope it does..." Bubby mumbled as he caught a frog mid-jump and shot it through the jaw. "How does frog sound for dinner?"

"...Not very good..." Tommy tugged it out of his hand and flung it at another frog. "It reminds me of brussel sprouts..."

"Brussel sprouts are good, actually." Gordon felt that was a bad thing to say as Tommy and Bubby stared at him in horror. "N-Nevermind..."

As they moved along the abandoned set of The Walking Dead (the title "The Walking Frog Men" fit much more, however...), they kept getting bombarded with frog shells, and so they would have to momentarily stop and take them out, along with the frog men.

Eventually, someone was nice enough to give them a boat and give them directions to a place past an old red barn for more help on their journey to Hell, Bubby immediately claiming the boat and gunning it through the sewage. Tommy let out mild protests, mainly yelling that he was ruining his fine white suit that had already been dirtied up with blood. 

Bubby didn't hold back at all.

He destroyed barricades, plowed down Combine, and even had some fun and flew off ramps. 

Gordon honestly found himself having more fun than expected, lobbing grenades at Combine as they forced their way through to reopen the canal gates.

Boy was it awesome to watch them get slammed open.

And soon, they were speeding off again, causing more chaos in their wake.


	4. Hiatus

I'm putting this on hiatus for a because 1. my back is cramped badly (ow) and 2. I like my OCs too much right now. Fuck.

Also turns out writing 24/7 really wears you out. Fuck.

Don't worry, I WILL come back to this.


End file.
